Documentation of Existing Conditions

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Provisions for Unusual Circumstances

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Field Procedures for Special Application

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Documentation of Existing Conditions * Provisions for Unusual Circumstances * Field Procedures for Special Application *

Black and white pixelated portrait of a young man smiling.

SUBJECT: RIC RAYO

CLASSIFICATION: RESTRICTED

LOCATION: [REDACTED]

DATE: [REDACTED]

INTERVIEWING AUTHORITY: [REDACTED]

RECORDING STATUS: CONFIRMED

KNOWN ALIASES: “THE GOBLIN“

CURRENT OCCUPATION: DJ / PRODUCER

PREVIOUS OCCUPATIONS:

  • DIGITAL WIDEBAND SYSTEMS MAINTAINER

  • HUMAN BEHAVIORAL CORRECTION SPECIALIST

  • AQUATIC EMERGENCY RESPONSE TECHNICIAN

SPECIALTIES: FOOD / ART / DEBAUCHERY

KNOWN AFFILIATIONS:

  • ERWIN SHRODINGER

  • TB3 / GM08

  • TEGO CALDERON

  • THE HAT MAN

  • JAMES HETFIELD

  • EYDIE GORME

PREFERED MODE OF AMBULATION: COMBUSTION

KNOWN WEAKNESSES: GAS STATION FOOD / BRUNETTES

**BEGIN TRANSCRIPT**

  • INTERVIEWER: State your name for the record.

    SUBJECT: My name is Ric. Like the first half of a Tic Tac.

    INTERVIEWER: What forms of artistic activity are you currently engaged in?

    SUBJECT: Music, smoking meats, keeping shitty cars alive.

    INTERVIEWER: Was there a particular event, person, place, or period of time responsible for your decision to pursue this seriously?

    SUBJECT: My grip on reality was dire enough that I figured I might as well chase my dreams.

    INTERVIEWER: More specifically.

    SUBJECT: When they did the surgery to remove my shame, I realized they’d cut me off from the intrinsic motivation of success. So, I figured I’d build a life where success looked like staying true to myself.

    OFFICER: Who is this “They”?

    SUBJECT: Me. Unfortunately for myself, I tend to keep a bead on my foot.

  • INTERVIEWER: Describe the relationship between your personal interests and your artistic identity.

    SUBJECT: My nature leads me to gravitate towards things that are not accessible through traditional means. My art is my way of accessing those things.

    INTERVIEWER: What are you attempting to make people feel when they encounter your work?

    SUBJECT: Type 2 fun.

    INTERVIEWER: And what are you attempting to make them do?

    SUBJECT: Maybe do a little shimmy, shake some ass.

    INTERVIEWER: We have received reports that your artistic interests extend beyond music.

    SUBJECT: What are you, a cop?

  • INTERVIEWER: Start at the beginning

    SUBJECT: My first memory ever is of myself at about 18 months. I remember leaving.

    INTERVIEWER: What happens when you sit down to make something?

    SUBJECT: It’s like making anything. Follow your heart, respect the safety rules, grow recklessly.

    INTERVIEWER: How do you know when something is finished?

    SUBJECT: Not sure, sometimes I’m just tired of working on it.

    INTERVIEWER: What are you working on currently?

    SUBJECT: Fighting for my life.

    INTERVIEWER: Do you intend to continue doing this?

    SUBJECT: No.

    INTERVIEWER: Why?

    SUBJECT: I’ll probably stop if I die.

**END TRANSCRIPT**

**MEET THE TEAM**

  • A spider on gravel ground near a large rock and a wire fence.

    CODENAME: THUNDERTOES

    SENIOR ASSOCIATE / SURFACE INTEL

    STATUS: ACTIVE

    Thundertoes is responsible for surface level reconnaissance, perimeter monitoring, and the identification of unusual activity within assigned operating areas. She is also routinely consulted regarding structural conditions, territorial boundaries, and matters requiring immediate escalation.

  • A close-up black and white photo of a beetle on cracked pavement with a reflection of the beetle visible in a small puddle of water.

    CODENAME: BIG BAD

    CLANDESTINE OPERATIONS

    STATUS: ACTIVE

    Big Bad conducts social engineering, restricted-area reconnaissance, and unsanctioned appearances at locations of operational interest. His duties include remaining stationary for extended periods, monitoring personnel movement, and entering spaces not intended for routine access.

  • A black and white photo of a spider on a textured surface, possibly a wall or floor, with a shadow cast by the insect.

    CODENAME: CINNAMON ROLL

    INTERN

    STATUS: PROBATIONARY

    Cinnamon Roll assists with routine field observation, debris inspection, and low-level environmental surveys. Current responsibilities include navigating confined spaces, documenting conditions of interest, and supporting senior personnel with miscellaneous assignments as directed.

  • CODENAME: THE ASSOCIATES

    SECURITY TEAM

    STATUS: ACTIVE

    The Associates are responsible for perimeter security, personnel protection, and the enforcement of established operational boundaries. Their duties include facility patrol, access control, threat assessment, and the immediate resolution of unauthorized activity. Members of the team are highly coordinated and operate with minimal supervision.

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